just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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