im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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