Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
