Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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