I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i've created a new STD.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
