In the future we'll all be gay
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
