That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
