I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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