my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
