I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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