Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
