I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
