if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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