ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
