no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
