Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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