DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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