That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
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You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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