I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
