god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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