I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
