U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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