he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
