he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
