Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
