Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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