I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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