I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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