Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
