dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
