No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
