12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
