Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
