i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's shark week go big or go home
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
