Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
