His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
