five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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