Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
