WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
