i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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