I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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