someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
