You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
