Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
