She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
