is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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