he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
