Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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