Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
