I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
