so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
