Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
