In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
