11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
