none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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