I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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