Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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