I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
