We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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